I am not your average short haired democratically raised African-American; I like to think that I have evolved into someone completely opposite. The last few years I have watched and listened to people make negative comments about me and my lifestyle has given me a new perspective on life. To my liberal friends, family and associates I am not normal, I tried to be their “normal,” I did not go so far as to switch parties.
In my effort to be “normal” I hung out with people who use incorrect information to complain about republicans, capitalism and the lack of social services. I have sat down to card games where we (yes me too!) smoked cigarettes, drank very good liquor and gossiped. I have sat around women who talked about fashion, sex and other people’s children. Worst of all I have sat around people who talked about the “good ol’ days as if segregation, riots, assassinations and legalized child abuse was fun. To me this is not normal.
Had I not been trying to “fit in with the normal people” I would have been in my own little corner doing what I like to do. I love spending time with Father God by studying the Word and communicating with Him through prayer. I enjoy the fellowship at the church I attend and I have no problems with serving whenever I can. I love being around positive people, those who enjoy the sunrise and sunset, those who can admire a smile, people who look at a half full glass and get excited. I like Facebook because I can communicate with a variety of people even those who disagree with me. I like to check out twitter and see what other people are up to although I think it often becomes high-tech spam. I do enjoy spending time with my family, even my 93 year old aunt who is more than a challenge. But most of all I love doing what God put me on this earth to do- write.
Since I have begun blogging I have struggled with my style I keep trying to be like other people. These professionals are actually making money and I want to make money so I download their videos and books and try to take their advice. With my first book, THE TRUTH ABOUT VASHTAI, being released soon I have also been fearful of offending potential book buyers. Then there are all those people I know who don’t think I am normal In addition in the back of my mind I hear the voice of someone telling me that I have to separate my personal life with my professional. I have finally come to the conclusion I have to be who God created me to be.
So, I have given myself permission to be me. It is OK for me to spend all of my free time studying the Word of God. I quit smoking cigarettes a while ago and I am not going to start back (pray for me), I am allowed to be as healthy as I can be. There may be a lot of lonely evenings since I will no longer gossip or play cards if I don’t want to (which is most of the time). People can call me abnormal if they want, I will not get mad.
I am who I am. There are lots of people who will read my book because it is good. In time I will have quite a few followers for both my blogs because I really do have something to say worth listening to. And I am not your average short haired democratically raised African-American. Actually, I am a God loving, Jesus believing Writer who happens to be a Conservative of Color and this is my blog.
1-6 GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
then up ahead and you’re there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can’t take it all in!
7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.