The year I wrote THE TRUTH ABOUT VASHTAI I was grieving the loss of my son and my mother as well as my grandmother (they died within 40 days of each other). The idea for the book had been in my head for years the loss of three loved ones left me in such a state that I could do nothing but spend time alone with pen and paper (aka my laptop). In putting the words together to tell the story of a woman who was rejected by her husband I was able to remind myself and tell others that God’s love is experienced more in times of difficulty.
It has taken awhile, perhaps because of the loss of both my mother-in-law and father-in-law as well as my beloved Aunt Helen between 2009 and 2012, but I am ready to move forward. I have not stopped writing; I have been blogging, reviewing books and am in the process of editing two novels; prayerfully SISTER SHARON will be released early 2015. In addition I have been doing quite a bit of volunteering for my church, surprisingly this has caused more stress than joy.
Six years after that very difficult time in my life I have learned many lessons about relationships, faith and purpose. I could not be where I am today if it had not been for my faith. As I moved through the pain and emptiness of loss I used faith, service and hanging out with people to cope. I don’t know when the light bulb came on but one day I decided the things I was doing was more tedious than joyful, with the exception of my writing.
It is weird really, I just woke up one day and decided what I was doing was stupid! I guess it is like when a woman wakes up and realizes the man she is sleeping with is not going to marry her and decides to finally leave the relationship. Or perhaps, it is like when an addict decides he does not want to be high anymore. I had had enough, I gave myself permission to stop visiting people whose company I did not enjoy and I decided to cancel my small group Bible Study class once the class size got down to zero.
Even though my husband pays all the bills in our house I repeatedly tried to earn extra income. I do have a TAX PREPARATION BUSINESS which has survived my being away during my son’s death and other personal crisis but everything else has flopped with a capital ‘F’! Most writers do not earn a lot of money, long term, from book sales so the royalty checks from THE TRUTH ABOUT VASHTAI, have dwindled to next to nothing over the years.
The thought has been brewing in my mind for a few weeks now and this morning I finally concluded: It is time to go back to basics. I am not a sophisticated woman by any stretch of the imagination, I am well aware of the fact that I do not know everything and I am comfortable with that. Years ago I lived comfortably, studying God’s word, writing and doing taxes this is what I am comfortable doing this is what I am good at and this is what I want to do.
It was a season. A time in my life when I lived vicariously as others would have me to live. I hung out with friends and family, many of the people I did not particularly care for; I served in ministry based on a definite need the church had but one someone else was better suited to fulfill. I even worked jobs in order to bring money into the household that created a deficit.
“For everything that happens in life-there is a season, a right time for everything under heaven:” Ecclesiastes 3:1 The Voice
Everyone has a different standard of living, a list of will dos and won’t dos. Unfortunately, many have allowed other peoples’ opinions to dictate what should and should not be done particularly when the individual is going through a difficult time. Yes, having friends and family for support is important more important is a personal relationship with God. Wrong decisions will be made, feelings will be hurt but in the end the goal should be to maintain or reestablish a lifestyle that is suitable to the individual.
My belief in God allowed me to endure grief my faith has carried me through this difficult journey and so it should be with others. I am going back to basics: reading, writing and helping people who want to be helped.