NETTIE-OLOGY: : THE HEART OF NETTIE- I WRITE
I have allowed people to dictate my time and influence my thinking that ends today. I am not the entertainment committee- don’t just drop by. My kitchen is not self-serve; when you do stop by uninvited don’t expect me to offer you anything. If I want your opinion I will ask for it; I have not in all these years so…!
Yes, I make candles and soap; I crochet, knit and sew; I also garden. I do things that I enjoy that help me relax enough to forget about the cares of this world and focus on what I am writing; ironically I write about the cares of this world. Many times I force myself to interact with others rarely do I want to be with people.
I have to physically see and talk to loved ones to make sure they are OK and then I am ready to retreat. I don’t like unpaid bills because then I have to worry about if something is going to be turned off or canceled. I have no problem with me spontaneously doing a fun activity but I do have problems with other people want me to participate in their activities; people always want me to do things when I want to do nothing.
Am I selfish? Many people would say no but I am self-centered to the extent that I become really irritated when things are out of sort. I have to pray, prayer is part of the process. I am self-centered enough that if I don’t spend time alone with YHWH I am unbearable.
In 2018 my faith journey took a turn, I went deeper into the word of GOD. Because I was in unknown territory, receiving information that I had not heard before I trusted others to tell me what I was reading. The good news is, there was conflict in the information I was receiving and so I had to pray and do my own research. It is not that I disagreed with the people talking to me I just did not accept their truths; apparently I was right on January 1, 2018, I just have better understanding now.
In 2018 my relationships with my family was challenged;. I slowed down my activities to check myself. I gave away things I made that I could have sold to people who did not appreciate my efforts. I supported the decisions of people who were struggling and had made the decision to change only to later see them repeating what they had done to become discouraged. I canceled my plans to do what someone else wanted to do. By December of 2018 I realized: It wasn’t me; I was not the problem.
In 2018 I screwed up technically when it comes to my writing. Just before I published BEFORE YOU PRAY FOR ME I realized there were some format mistakes but I don’t have a copy of it, the only copy I have is at the copyright office. As I was editing FAMILY LEGACY my computer went down fortunately it was fixed and I continued writing. I started another manuscript TITUS WOMAN then my computer went down again with both manuscripts not saved and not completed. Nothing is on a flash or external hard-drive because I don’t have one. I am tired of starting over because I did not back up on an external hard-drive my writings THIS LESSON WAS LEARNED THE HARD WAY.
In 2018 I was my own worst supporter. I fully understand that I have very little support from friends and family, Vicki, my sister-friend, is the only one who not only encourages my writing but will redirect my attention when towards writing when I stop. In 2019 BEFORE YOU PRAY FOR ME will get published; the two manuscripts I am working on will get published. I learned a lot in 2018 but now it is time to stop sacrificing my gift from GOD to accommodate people who don’t understand what it means to be a writer.
written by Marsha L F Randolph
NETTIE-OLOGY /NETTIE-ISM reflects the opinions of and is the soul property of the author MARSHA L F RANDOLPH. All rights reserved- do not use without permission. Disagreeing with what is written is not offensive to the author a disagreeable comment will be deleted.